Sunday, April 12, 2009

The closest I've ever come to a vicious street fight

Last night was probably one of the most eventful nights I've had in a long long time. It started, innocently enough, with a birthday party held at a club called the Geisha Bar (it's not what you think) in the downtown area of Northbridge. Although there were no geishas to be found, it was an excellent night with lots of dancing in and around the fog machine area (note to future roommates, that's you Mike, we need a fog machine REAL BAD). Passion was in the air, and young bodies danced and sparked against each other in a wild frenzy, as if that night at the Geisha bar was their last on this earth. We left the club in high spirits.

A few minutes later my friend got attacked by an aboriginal woman! I had broken away from the group with a couple guys because I was impatient and the girls were being slow. They stopped to get food and lagged behind a bit more. Kebabs in hand, they started walking towards the train station when a couple aboriginal women walked past them, bumping their shoulders and calling them "American sluts." My friend April turned around, and yelled something back at them (she was in a bad mood). She had just turned back around when she was kicked in the leg, punched in the back of the head, and then punched in the face. Before she could react, the aboriginals scurried off into an alleyway.

We reunited at the train station, and then WHO SHOULD WE SEE coming down the escalator but the two aboriginal women?! One of them spotted April and started throwing not one but TWO middle fingers and swearing at us. While April was restrained, I engaged in an intense staredown / gestural battle with the aboriginal woman. My modeling skills came in very handy here, as I was able to convey an extreme level of ferocity. Though enflamed and angered by my tenacity, they were too scared by my street presence, notorious reputation, and imposing figure to advance on us.
Great success.

Later that night, I earned the title "champion bloke" from an Australian friend. Though it was bestowed upon me after an unrelated incident, I felt that an incredible honor had been placed on my shoulders. It was a big night.

Naturally, I celebrated by sleeping until 2:30 today.

No worries,


  1. That was the most racist post I have ever read.

  2. oh, how i love flight of the conchords.